Everything You Need To Know About Trauma Bonds

It’s been something I haven’t been able to put my finger on it for 2 decades now. I just want it out of my life, and to move past this season of my life and begin living.

It's not just brain fog. In the trauma bond, my nervous system was so messed up that I literally couldn't think, move, or form a coherent sentence- let alone plan, pack, and leave. It's not just freeze. Total brain shut down. Now I understand deer in the headlights.

This is absolutely SPOT ON. I’m an LMHC who was in relationship with Sociopath for over 10 years. ALL true. I’m doing very well now and am a better therapist but there was a time I was in a fetal position on floor wanting to die.
This is so so good. Keep it up!!!

Excellent talk, thank you!♠♥♣♦

I'm going through this for the 2nd time. It has done real damage to my psyche. So much so I've literally felt my brain split in two and I've had zero ability to manage it sometimes with extreme (!) emotions. I've been isolated. I really appreciate how you're verbalizing this. It aligns with my experience. Thank you! 🩷🙏

Thanks ❤

With the help and support of friends and family I'm now divorced from him. It's been over a year and I'm still struggling to not allow him to weasel his way back in and contact me. Something I read about why I was having a hard time going no contact is "it's not hard it's extememly painful". After I read that I sent him an email telling him in no uncertain terms to no longer reach out and then blocked him everywhere I could think to. I thpught I'd come a long way in my grieving and moving on process but holy shit it's excruciating finally setting boundaries with myself to never talk to him again. When you said it's like an addiction it really resonated with the feelings and sensations I'm having since truly going no cotact. I was not expecting it to be this excruciatingly painful.

You seem like a super awesome human,. Also your information is so good and trustworthy. Always

Thank you for this topic. Very helpful. I really appreciate the information. You described trauma bonding in an accurate manner. Loyalty and loss of identity and grooming kept me in a cycle of abuse. Thank you.

Thank you, Lisa!!! Today, I LOVED both of your posts. First with Dr. Salerno and this message on more about trauma bonds. I really needed to hear both things. I hope I can get to work with you. I’m a SAHM so I felt discouraged not being able to find a therapist to help me through this place I’m in my life. I’m stuck in the cycle and it’s most definitely a trauma bond. I’ve gotten stronger and wiser and more equipped, but there are things that keep my feet from moving. It’s frustrating. Anyway, just want to thank you again for the great content you’ve been putting out. ❤

I really need to hear this 😢

my mom is in this crazy situation married to a monster and shes 60 now and i'm just honestly worried that she wont be able to handle or even survive getting a divorce or really faceing the truth and i feel really stuck too with her because i'm so worried about her an don t want to move out and leave her with this scumbag and i feel like i cant ever have any normal life of my own because of it and i know that i'm really just wasteing my life by staying and takeing a lot of the abuse for her just so that she can continue to live in her fantasy world with him since she cant handle the truth, but it feels so hard to leave because of this when i see and know clearly the truth about him and how terrible and dangerous he is, and i just wish there was a way out for us.....

One thing that I haven't heard anyone talking about is how we can meet our abuser during a period of self improvement. People do talk about the issue of wanting to help/codependency, but I actually saw a lot of my past self in him and wanted deeply to be patient and understanding.. Not fix, but hold space for him because that is what the New Age philosophy I was studying taught me. The New Age philosophy also teaches that we are responsible for our own feelings and actions, so I thought that I should be able to be strong enough in my own convictions and boundaries that his toxic behavior wouldn't hinder me. Right? Sovereign woman after all. But no, exposure to toxicity wears a person down.
Aso, he would improve in some areas and would point that out. There has to be something that we are missing about this dynamic spiritually and psychologically, because I have been around men who were emotionally unavailable and whose lives were chaotic, but the urge to be patient and help never arose. This was an illogical feeling of connection verging on hypnosis. It's so hard to explain.
What was different about him that other con men didn't have? Was it because I was allowing myself to be more emotionally available because of my self improvement journey? Idk, because I had been on a healing journey for 7 years prior and no other man or person had that affect on me.

this is the core of my struggle. spot on! thank you... do you coach men also?

How could I have known when we were raised together?! We are sisters!! I was in my 50s before I finally realized she was trying to destroy me. We still own a business together, but I am not allowed to work there or draw a salary!

I know it's a bit late... my person is NOT doing anything to prohibit me from isolating...but does the Trauma Bonded person isolate themselves due to depression, effects from COVID lockdown, just overall anxiety??? Believe me I'm not shifting blame at all..the person in my life does NOT care about anything I do. I'm just wondering if I'm doing it to myself due to the previous examples I stated. There's no "love bombing" there's no fake apologies just overall no "affect" at all.